You Just Don't DO These Things, Zack
by x-YaoiWolf-x
Summary: Random, Crack-ish Oneshot. Sephiroth is not happy when a certain hyperactive puppy takes something of his and Zack unfortunately isn't smart enough to stay away xD Read authors notes for more info if you want. ASGZC-ish. SZC-centric.


**Title: **You Just Don't DO These Things, Zack...  
><strong>Author: <strong>x-YaoiWolf-x  
><strong>Rating: <strong>K+  
><strong>Warning: <strong>Probably some OOC-ness, Puppy kicking…. Implied Yaoi, Slash, MxM, MalexMale, Etc. Nothing really, You've been warned, blah blah blah, etc… Don't like then don't read, nuff said. Grammar, I tend to be lazy and not proofread thoroughly and I don't have a beta so there's probably typos in there somewhere. Tell me about em if you want and I'll most likely fix it. I'm very Grammar OCD like that.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own Final Fantasy VII or it's amazing sexy gorgeous characters. They're not mine, most likely never will be, sad as that may be.  
><strong>AN: <strong>Hey… YaoiWolf here with another random oneshot thing for all you amazing peoples. It's been sitting around on my computer for months and I was gonna try to finish it but… it'll never get done if I wait, so meh, it's good as it is I guess. This is just a sort of random 'day in the life of' scenario from some future in my Some Crazy Dream fic. It's a bit crack-ish… but so is everything I write so blah. Enough rambling. Enjoy this story!

_**~C is for Cookie, Cloud, and Consequences~**_

-x-x-

_~Til the Roof comes off, til the lights go out, til my legs give out, won't shut my mouth~_

Cloud snickered to himself as Sephiroth's phone went off for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. The reason for that was simple. Zack was calling… And the silver-haired man didn't want to speak to him.

Yes, folks, the battle-hardened General of the ShinRa army was sulking.

Why you ask?

Because Zackary Fair had eaten all his cookies.

You guessed it. The Almighty Sephiroth was a Cookie Whore and was pouting for being denied his fix.

A half-hearted glare from cat-slit mako green eyes had Cloud attempting to (unsuccessfully) convert his silent laughs into a cough. Of course, it didn't work, and the pout (though the man would violently deny such a thing) on Sephiroth's face only caused him to giggle more.

"S-Sephiroth," Cloud spoke through his laughs. "I-I'll bake you some m-more. Stop, ha, stop pouting, please, it's hazardous to my health!" Honestly, he was starting to have trouble breathing. Sephiroth pouting was not something he could take seriously, at all.

Sephiroth scowled and finally schooled his expression into it's normal stoic blankness. Cloud gave a final chuckle before calming down.

"I'll bake a whole batch just for you," he nodded approvingly at his own plans. "Just don't tell Angeal."

Sephiroth smirked happily -greatly satisfied- and pulled the little blonde down into his lap for a long appreciative kiss. Cloud sighed into it before pulling away.

He was about to stand and dismiss himself to go and secretly make said cookies, when a certain bouncy canine barged into Sephiroth's office.

"Sephiroth!" Zack cried, slamming the door in with a very loud thud. Two sets of bright eyes looked at him, one clearly annoyed and the other currently in the act of rolling. "Why won't you answer my calls~?" The puppy whined.

Sephiroth kept his expression schooled in perfect nonchalance, not allowing the pout to resurface as he answered, moving to return his eyes to the paperwork he had been ignoring for hours before this moment. Zack didn't need to know that, though. Cloud wasn't going to tell him either.

"Because." was the Genreal's answer.

Zack blinked. "Because?"

"You stole what was mine," Sephiroth elaborated.

Now Zack tilted his head, clearly still not understanding. "Huh?"

"You ate his cookies, Zack," Cloud clarified, a large smile on his face, eyes laughing.

A dawning look of 'Oooooh~" made it's way onto the youngest First's face and he grinned mischievously. "Sorry, Seph," He teased. "I didn't mean to." Though he obviously did.

Sephiroth's eyebrow ticked. He knew he was being baited, but it was particularly hard for some reason to restrain himself from strangling the dark-haired SOLDIER at the moment. All in the name of love, of course.

"It's no problem, Zackary," the General drawled instead, smirking just a tiny bit. "I'll just remember that you owe me a share of cookies the next time either Angeal or Cloud prepare some."

Zack's grin dropped as he was visibly deterred. An unsure smile graced his lips and he scratched the back of his head. "Aw, you wouldn't do that to me, Seph." He frowned. "Would you?"

Sephiroth's smirk grew feral.

Oh, yes, he most definitely would… In fact, he'd do _worse._

-x-x-

"Sephiroth~"

The smell of freshly baked white-chocolate chip cookies wafted through the apartment as Cloud walked into the living room where his silver-haired boyfriend currently sat, a large plate of cookies balanced in one hand.

He set them on the coffee table before the man reverently, complete with an elaborate bow and looked up with a smirk. "You're cookies, my liege," he teased, picking one up from the plate and walking languidly to stand at Sephiroth's side.

The man automatically opened his mouth expectantly and was rewarded with the sensation of a delicious melt-in-your-mouth piece of heaven placed reverently on his tongue. He closed his eyes and groaned in deep satisfaction as he savored every bit of the delectable treat.

"Good?" Cloud's voice purred into his ear.

Sephiroth didn't answer, but the blonde wasn't really expecting one. Instead, he placed a loving peck on the General's cheek and turned to retrieve a certain something from the kitchen.

-x-x-

Zack Fair was _not _happy.

No, he was actually not sure how he felt. It seemed to be a mix of put out, sad, envious, angered, and …. Scowl-y. Yes, that was a word. He'd just made it up.

Zack Fair was in a scowl-y mood.

-x-x-

Cloud strolled into the dining area connected to their kitchen with a decidedly evil grin on his face and his eyes landed on the scowling face of a certain puppy who was about to get his just desserts.

"Hiya, Zack," he drawled in an obviously fake sweet tone. His gaze roved delightedly over the ropes currently wrapped around the SOLDIER's body, binding his arms and legs together. Cloud had to admit the SOLDIER-proof handcuffs Zack was sporting around his wrists were a nice touch, too.

Zack looked at Cloud and narrowed his eyes in a pouty scowl. He didn't answer.

Cloud didn't care and continued to talk. "Ready for your punishment, puppy?" the blonde asked, purposely calling the raven-haired First by his nickname simply because he knew Zack hated for the cadet to call him that. Cloud grinned. He would continue to use it until the day he was no longer called 'Chocobo'. Zack's scowl stayed in place.

The silence was answer enough and Cloud began to drag the rather heavy weight of a tied-up Zack into the living room.

He placed him on the other side of the coffee table, directly in front of Sephiroth, and made sure that Zack had a clear view of the large supply of cookies sitting furthest from him on the table. Zack's eyes widened a bit and his mouth hung open slightly as his violet eyes flickered from the plate to Sephiroth's face -zeroing in on the entirely too evil grin- and back again a number of times before finally settling for staring at Cloud.

Cloud smirked. He was getting a great amount of satisfaction from this… it was, after all, Zack's own fault. If Sephiroth's idea of punishment just happened to cover Cloud's own desire for revenge on their porcupine-haired lover, well, all the better. Served the idiot right for branding him that stupid nickname.

Without a word, Cloud took a spot kneeling behind Zack's form as the dark-haired First sat staring at the cookies on the table. He slid his hand up into raven spikes. The other hand rested on the man's cheek and Cloud applied just enough pressure to ensure Zack's head did not move from his direct view of Sephiroth and his cookies.

-x-x-

Meanwhile, Sephiroth sat watching his blonde lover prepare the victim with a gleam in his eye so sadistic and terrifyingly evil, it would put even the most experienced and efficient Turk to shame.

He was going to have fun.

Loads and loads of fun.

He could not wait to take revenge on Zack for eating his cookies.

Sephiroth grinned with so much evil intent, not even an extremely pissed off Genesis could top it.

Let the torture… commence.

-x-x-

**AN: **…I'll let you all decide what insane/funny/random torturous things Seph has decided to do to Zack. I had a plan here but well… it got away from me and If I leave this just lying around on my computer all this time, as it has been for like forever, It'll never go anywhere. SO! There you go. A special thanks to **ShadesofImagination** for telling me repeatedly that my writing isn't as bad as I think it is . and to **Tobirion **for sort of inspiring it with **Invisible Molestation **(which everyone should read because it's Amazing!) AND to everyone who took the time to review my **Some Crazy Dream **fic~ I humbly appreciate that you all like my story _-deeply bows- _Review Please :D


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